I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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