omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
