I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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