Walk of Shame. In a state park.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The Olympian is in my bed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
