that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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