I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
