Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
