Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
