Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
