evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
