I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
