Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
