you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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