I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
