why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
