Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
