look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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