Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
