I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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