Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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