i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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