no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
