I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
