Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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