I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
