SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
