Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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