shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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