I wish I could punch you in the face.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Randomize
