all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
