I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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