Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
