he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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