Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
