Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
