you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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