Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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