i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
birth control should be required to get into college
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
