I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
