Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
lol hangovers are for mortals.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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