he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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