i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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