She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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