I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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