Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
