The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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