just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
