This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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