Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
