What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
