im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
