I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
