I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
