I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
