He had one of those small greek statue penises
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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