Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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