Betty ford says i'm here all night
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
