So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
