my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
