I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
