At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
