I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
