the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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