I'm jealous of your bromance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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