i permit you to call me
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
not ubering you a puppy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
