ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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