He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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