DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
