found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
