just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think I won the penis lottery.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
