Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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