Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
