My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
