My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize