turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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