I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
