Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
