I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
