so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
