Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize