i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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