soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
