dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
you will always have a special place in my vag
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
