this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Randomize
