It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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