This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
