apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
