he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
