Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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