its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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