the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
