I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize