We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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