I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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